I moved to Germany from the US with 4 kids. Here, I have a lot more time for myself.

30.09.2024 - 01:27 / insider.com

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Celia Robbins, an American who relocated to Berlin with her family. She works at the Embassy of the United States of America in Berlin. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Living in the college town of Ithaca, New York, my family of six was used to seeing people leave. In October 2022, my husband finished his post-doc at Cornell University and landed his dream job at a research center in Rostock, Germany. It was finally our turn to have a new experience. We were excited.

This was an opportunity for us to live abroad with our four children — the oldest is now 15, our twins are 12, and our youngest is 9. As none of them had startedhigh school, we thought it was the perfect stage for us to move.

Last year, the kids and I moved to Berlin so they could attend international school. My husband commutes to Rostock —a 2-hour train ride — a few days a week and returns every weekend.

Back in the US, I had been helicopter-parenting my kids, having a lot of control over every aspect of their lives.

I spent about two hours every day in the car, driving my kids to school or to a long list of extracurriculars. My husband and I were juggling many balls together, struggling to match our schedules because kids relied on us to take them anywhere.

But here in Berlin, kids are expected to manage their own things and get themselves to places.

I'm no longer at the whim of their schedules, largelythanksto Berlin's public transport system — we don't even own a car here.

If my kids want to do an extracurricular activity, they take themselves. So, if one is ambitious and wants to choose five, it's fine, because it's on them. They are responsible for their own activities and let us know when they will be out for their Model UN meetingor band practice.

In the US, I did some consulting and course writing on the side. Now, I have a lot more freedom and have landed a full-time job working at the US embassy.

While I always felt safe in our town in New York, in Berlin, it does feel safer for my kids to be out alone.

A year ago, I wouldn't have been OK with my 9-year-old coming home alone. But seeing that it's normal for other children their age to take themselves around has shown me what kids are capable of. So, that fear has been put to rest.

There's a sense of community here to look out for kids. Kids here are expected to be a little bit more independent, so it's not unusual to see them out on their own.

For ourfirst few weeks, I was one of the few moms doing pick-up and drop-off at school. There was one other American mom, and whenshe stopped, my kids were like, "Please stop, mom." Once I stopped, I felt a sense of peace; they would be fine.

Back in the US,