I thought I wanted kids, but moving to Europe with my husband changed my mind

27.08.2024 - 17:15 / insider.com

This is an as-told-to essay based on a conversation with Helene Sula , a travel blogger and author of "Two O'Clock on a Tuesday at Trevi Fountain: A Search for an Unconventional Life Abroad."

It has been edited for length and clarity.

My husband, Michael, and I were high-school sweethearts.

We met at a party when we were 17. We both went to Catholic schools; I attended an all-girls school, and he went to an all-boys school.

They were brother and sister schools, so they would pair up for dances and things like that.

I still have the emails that we sent back and forth talking about our future lives. I always thought I would be married with two kids in a house with a white picket fence.

I remember thinking: "That is the American dream, and that's what I want."

Having kids is one of the most incredible and selfless things you can possibly do. All of my best friends have children, and I love them and think they have beautiful, wonderful lives. It's something I always thought I would do.

But as Michael and I started traveling and living life a little bit differently, I realized that my passions and what I wanted out of life weren't necessarily kids.

We dated for six years before getting married in 2011. That same year, I started a travel blog called Helene In Between.

It gave my husband and me the freedom to move abroad, and in 2016 we moved to Heidelberg, Germany.

By 2017, the blog was growing, and I needed a lot of help. Michael was working online jobs and he was really not liking them — so we started working together.

It took us time to figure out what worked, and our relationship always came first. I do a lot of the content creation, and he plans the trips and does the business side.

We have been able to see more of the world because both of our schedules are flexible.

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After three years in Germany, we returned to the US and bought an RV. We traveled the country for four years before moving to Oxford, England.

I was in my late 20s when we first moved abroad, and at that time I always thought I would have children — but later.

I never had that strong desire or motherly gene. But I ended up making friends with people who didn't have kids, and it made me realize that there were other options and that I didn't have to do it just because other people did.

I took a step back and asked myself: "Wait a minute, do I even want that? Do I want kids?"

It should be something that you really want to do because it is so selfless and very difficult. It requires a lot of work and effort.

I think it's absolutely miraculous and beautiful — but so are some of the things that I want to do. Some of my desires are worthy, too.

It doesn't mean I'm bad or weird. It just means I might want something a