When I moved to Spain for 3 years, I went on several dates. From who pays the bill to sex on first dates, here's how dating in Spain differs from the US.

26.07.2023 - 09:47 / insider.com

As a 31-year-old woman, I've been on most dating apps and have been on more dates than I can remember. During the pandemic, I even went on a "first date" with someone where we ordered food for each other and FaceTimed. He cut out paper hearts and taped them to the wall behind him. 

In 2020, I did another crazy thing: I moved to Spain to teach English. I don't know if moving to another continent during the height of the pandemic was my most ludicrous or my most genius ever, but it certainly gave me a lot of new perspectives on life — especially on dating. 

When I moved to Spain, I dove into the dating world to see how it compared to dating in the US. I went on dates with men and women over the course of three years — and found major cultural differences.

When it came to dating men in Europe, I was shocked to find out that I was expected to pay my half of the bill. Not that I ascribe to the idea that men should pick up the bill, but it was a definite shift going from an American culture where it's sometimes expected for men to pay to a Spanish culture where that is never the assumption.

More surprisingly, one of the few dates who offered to cover the whole bill was a woman. The one time a Spanish man did pay, he used it as a "peacocking" opportunity to show off how much money he had.  

From the people I dated, I got the feeling that Spaniards see sex like they see wine — as a part of everyday life and easily accessible. Just as the Spanish norm of having a few glasses of wine at lunch might raise some eyebrows in the US, the casual approach to sex is also a bit more liberal. 

While it wasn't impossible, I didn't encounter many people who wanted to wait a few dates before getting intimate. 

In the US, it's common to go on a certain number of dates before having the "define the relationship" conversation — or at least trying to know where the other person stands when it comes to commitment. 

And while this may be true in Spain, too, I met many couples who'd dated for years without getting married. One couple I met dated for seven years and then broke up, and it wasn't the type of breakup that ruined their lives — it was just a casual ending of a relationship.

I noticed that for Spaniards, they commit to each other, but that commitment might have a time stamp instead of a wedding ring. 

Back home in the US, it's pretty common for people to date so that they can find their ideal partner and get married. That means I know a lot of Americans who not only got married in their 20s, but also those who got divorced before turning 30. 

When I talk about having American friends in their 20s going through a divorce, my Spanish friends are shocked that I even know people who are married in their 20s. To them, it's