The Friend Trip: Fun Without the Friction

26.07.2023 - 10:11 / nytimes.com

Whoever said a friend is a friend forever has clearly never experienced a group trip that has devolved into a maelstrom of conflicting plans and bickering over restaurant bills. Traveling with your besties can be tricky. Here are some ways to do it without anyone getting unfriended.

“First and foremost, you cannot travel with everybody. All your friends are not travel friends,” advises N’dea Irvin-Choy, a 27-year-old Los Angeles-based travel influencer, on her popular TikTok account. She suggests picking travel partners who share similar interests, and deciding ahead of time what kind of a trip you will be taking — relaxation, partying, adventure. “The last thing you want is for your friends to be giving each other the silent treatment on a nonrefundable excursion somewhere on a beautiful tropical island,” she explained in an email.

You can get the ball rolling by asking your friends where they want to go and what they want to do using services like Doodle, Google Forms and Troupe. Some people prefer to use familiar spreadsheet programs like Microsoft Excel or Google Sheets to organize the plan and share it with friends. Others prefer to use apps like Hoku, MiTravel and Plan Harmony that allow group members to collaborate in the planning process with photos, maps and more. And creating an Airbnb wish list lets friends suggest lodging options for the whole group to see. Once you’re in booking mode, Mobili provides a way to see each group member’s travel bookings at once, a tool that is especially useful for larger groups.

For sorting out flight arrangements, Robert Driscoll, who owns the L.G.B.T.Q.-focused travel agency VentureOut, swears by TripIt. After making your bookings, you can forward your confirmation emails to the app, which puts them all together on one timeline. Others in the group can then collaborate with the same trip by adding their own bookings to create a group itinerary. “It’s basically a chronological compilation of all your arrangements: flights, accommodations, car rentals, restaurants, activities, tours,” he said.

When one participant on a friend trip suddenly drops out, it can throw financing for the whole trip into disarray. Hedge against those monkey wrenches by setting a firm deadline for a monetary commitment. When people put down real money, whether for lodging or activities, they’re more likely to follow through.

Use a classic schoolteacher’s trick to keep everyone engaged and share the planning burden: Schedule a rotating group leader to take ownership of each day’s activities. This person will be responsible for making that day’s restaurant and tour reservations, or simply keeping everyone on schedule. Ask each friend to share a personal desire for the trip — for