Where tourists seldom tread, part 7: five more British towns with secret histories

22.01.2024 - 15:25 / theguardian.com

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

There’s Crap Towns. There’s UK Grim. There’s John Betjeman. And then there’s James Cleverly, the Lewisham-born MP for Braintree. British towns get punched from above, below and the side – even from inside: if you serially humiliate people, they’ll begin to loathe where they come from in a twisted lunge for self-esteem. What riles when a politician slags off a place he doesn’t know or care about is the lack of self-awareness: anything and everything that is wrong with provincial Britain is a result of decisions taken by politicians over decades. Austerity, though, was the biggest, heaviest wrecking ball since deindustrialisation. These five “seldoms” are towns that have seen plenty of demolition and all have been derided, mocked, ignored, caricatured and dumped at the bottom of specious rankings. Seen through a thoughtful, engaged, flaneur-minded filter, however, they are wondrous, poetic, musical places.

The cultural establishment has been unkind to Slough. Betjeman’s famous poem hollered: “Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough! / It isn’t fit for humans now, / There isn’t grass to graze a cow. / Swarm over, Death!” The poet laureate later regretted penning it. Orwell’s bitter, snobbish, repressed protagonist in Keep the Aspidistra Flying, Gordon Comstock, rues a trip to Slough, and the tea his girlfriend Rosemary insists on having there: “They went to a large, dreary, draughty hotel near the station. Tea, with little wilting sandwiches and rock cakes like balls of putty, was two shillings a head.” A song by punk band Gallows inspired by Betjeman ranted, “If this town had a name it would be defeat.” David Brent also quotes the poem.

Ricky Gervais used Slough to propel him to LA. The opening credits of The Office focus on Slough’s grey architecture and roads. Its nightlife is derided in several episodes. Did it all begin with the town’s name? It was spelled variously as Slo, Sloo, Le Slowe and plain Slow in pre-modern times, and the word – denoting a swamp – features in The Pilgrim’s Progress associated with Despondency. Slough used to be in Bucks, but is now in Berks. No doubt the latter would like to move it on, perhaps to Greater London.

In June 1918, part of west Slough was bought by the government to form a motor repair depot for army vehicles. The war ended while it was being built – shoddily – partly by PoWs. Subsequently, the site was opened with the aim of refitting military trucks, cars and motorcycles for civilian use. This failed and was replaced by a trading estate – the largest in Europe with a single owner, covering more than 180 hectares (450 acres). The customer directory today lists 216 companies, including car