My child is neurodivergent and traveling can be hard. We do it anyway because he loves it.

20.07.2024 - 11:21 / insider.com

Two years ago, my then 4-year-old son, Oscar, was diagnosed with severe anxiety and as having features of pathological demand avoidance, a nervous system disability that presents as a pattern of behavior in which kids go to extremes to ignore or avoid following ordinary rules.

A direction as simple as " stow your tray table and return your seat to its full upright position" is enough to throw him into a tailspin. It has taught my husband and I to pick our battles. It is sometimes difficult to protect him (and ourselves) from ignorant attitudes about his condition, especially when we travel.

And yet we travel frequently — and we always have a lot of fun.

A recent trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico , perfectly illustrates how we've learned to amplify the joys and mitigate the challenges of traveling with a neurodivergent child.

Traveling can be tricky even for the most regulated kids. Returning to a familiar location is one way to reduce some of the stress. Our favorite trip, by far, is San Juan, Puerto Rico. This last trip was our fourth visit to the colorful island.

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I was never a "resort person," but amenities like onsite restaurants and all-ages entertainment make travel easier for a family, particularly one with a child with special needs. The place we stayed at this last time, for example, has nine restaurants, a full-service spa, and multiple swimming pools, including a baby-friendly pool. There's also a well-maintained playground and one of the most calm and child-friendly beaches in San Juan.

Oscar's body wakes him up at dawn, ready to explore. Within an hour of that at the resort, we've met a bearded dragon, explored the playground, played in the hammock garden, climbed along some rocks, and searched for chunky sea glass in the sugar-soft sand.

Travel means putting ourselves in new and interesting environments. For a sensory-seeking kid like Oscar, it might mean climbing a tree 20 feet into the air or wading into muddy waters infested with who-knows-what. Knowing what boundaries to enforce and what to allow is part of what experts describe as "low-demand parenting," an approach that is specifically recommended for PDA kids.

Casey Erlich, parenting expert and creator of At Peace Parents , describes pathological demand avoidance as an anxious drive for autonomy and says that the more an adult tries to impose their authority, the more dysregulated and irrational a PDA child will behave. My goal is to avoid situations that trigger Oscar's anxious drive for autonomy and to de-escalate the situation when it happens.

One morning, when Oscar climbed on top of a four-foot wall separating the pedestrian path from the natural coastal environment, I assessed the situation.