The hidden costs of traveling while gay

04.06.2024 - 19:43 / insider.com

Calypso music followed us down a winding resort path, emanating from speakers strategically hidden in the tropical landscaping. Our rum runners — mostly rum — were ice cold, a much-needed welcome drink as we adjusted to the humidity of Jamaica.

While we waited for our room to be ready, my husband Trent and I grabbed lounge chairs on the beach where we could watch the rough waters crash against the breakwall encircling the hotel's private bay.

The scene before us was romantic: crystal-clear waters, a sunny sky, and a horizon that stretched for miles. I wanted to drag my chair closer to Trent's and interlock our fingers or offer up my chest as a pillow for him, like the couple a few chairs down.

But when we travel to new places, far from the safe spaces we know back home, we're cautious about how we interact. An arm around a shoulder or a peck on the cheek can often invite unwanted attention and aggressive behavior from others.

Worse, we were in Jamaica, which has been called "the most homophobic place on earth" because of its ongoing criminalization of homosexuality and harsh resistance to repealing its anti-sodomy laws.

Here, we had to be extra careful.

Ordinarily, we wouldn't have traveled to Jamaica at all because of its history of discrimination, but two of our closest (straight) friends had invited us to be a part of their intimate destination wedding.

The greatest dangers lay in the airport and taxi ride to and from the resort, though we'd read on travel message boards that LGBTQ+ couples still need to exercise caution at all-inclusive resorts in Jamaica, where staff members could discriminate against us.

Throughout the long weekend, it was challenging watching our mostly heterosexual friend group enjoy the romance of this island. They'd cozy up in the hot tub, feed each other ice cream, or lounge together in a hammock. Trent and I knew the drill, though: We were here as buddies for our safety.

This is the cost of traveling while gay.

Trent and I have long beards and regularly wear baseball caps and cargo shorts. We like sports, craft beer, and being outdoors. To the untrained eye, we're as hetero as they come.

When we travel outside familiar places, we lean into our perceived straightness as a safety measure. When we haven't, we've had drinks thrown at us and even received verbal threats because of who we are. If we can pass as straight while in unfamiliar locations to avoid that, we will.

Related stories

During trips to romantic destinations, we always look both ways before stealing a kiss. When we arrive at an accommodation with only one bed, we often get strange looks from the person checking us in, which seems to communicate, "Y'all are going to share that?"

How we interact with each other