When my daughter went off to college, I became an empty nester and traveled alone for the first time. Once I got over the 'mom guilt,' the trip changed my life.

29.08.2023 - 13:19 / insider.com

When my daughter turned 9, I started to do the math. If she left our home at 18, her dad and I were then halfway through the summers we were guaranteed with her. Our summers with her were always jam-packed with Chicago events, summer camps, and wherever we decided to take her on vacation.

My daughter just turned 20 and is in college, and I'm a divorced empty nester.

I just returned from my first solo journey as an empty nester. I took a three-week trip to Auckland, New Zealand, for the Women's World Cup.

As a 48-year-old, I explored a new place on my own for the first time. I learned to become comfortable with myself and how to rest properly.

I was reluctant to book the costly trip, but it helped that stadium tickets were affordable. And the hospitality of a friend helped eliminate lodging costs.

I booked the 17-hour trip. I was excited but nervous.

The idea of spending three weeks away from home, away from my daughter, and away from Chicago was starting to feel scary.

I was going to be staying with a friend, the only person I knew in Auckland. I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert, so I knew it would be difficult for me to connect with the other World Cup attendees. I was starting to get anxious about spending that much time alone — for the first time.

In addition to those feelings, I experienced loads of "mom guilt" while planning my trip. The thought that I wouldn't be there for my daughter in case she needed me was overwhelming. Since her dad and I divorced, my daughter has spent her summers between our places. I felt guilty for leaving her one parent down.

I started my trip with a to-do list. I thought three weeks on my own would be plenty of time to write and edit an episode of my podcast. I got some of it done, but my to-do list quickly fell by the wayside.

Instead, I leaned into life in Auckland, a beautiful city. I spent most days on my own exploring a city so friendly that it made the Midwest seem rude. I went to museums at my own pace. I walked downtown and stopped when I wanted to. I got back into the rhythm of keeping a diary because I did not want to miss any details on this trip.

Being 17 hours ahead of Chicago time meant that checking my email once a day was enough to keep on top of work and community obligations. There was no constant ping from emails. In Auckland, my task was to explore and decompress from my usually hectic life.

Since I was on a budget, my phone plan had limited data, so my usual habit of streaming Taylor Swift and folk music all day suddenly stopped. I walked around Auckland, listening to all its beautiful sounds: the strange birds, the chirp from the walk signals, and, of course, the sexy accents.

I fell in love with Auckland because the city always felt busy