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On a Healing Journey in Sedona, Motherhood Lost and Found
27.01.2024 - 01:01 / cntraveler.com
It happened the day before I left for my trip. And, quite predictably, because I was rushing.
I had a mere 24 hours to decorate the whole house for Christmas, prep meals for two picky toddlers, answer dozens of belated work emails (not to mention the packing). All so that I could soak in the upcoming four days with my sister, unencumbered by the responsibilities of motherhood and the deadlines of freelance travel writing.
As I watched the glass pieces scatter across the living room floor, the tears came hard and fast. I sank to my knees, cradling the jagged shards in my palms, willing them back together as I sobbed uncontrollably. It felt as if the pieces inside me—the one’s I’d spent years gluing back together—had shattered anew.
The desert-hued lobby lounge area at the recently renovated destination spa Mii Amo
The decorative Steuben bowl had belonged to my mother, Sheila. For decades, her family had collected tabletop accents and animal figurines from the historic, NY-based glass manufacturer Corning, gifting them to one another on special occasions. I inherited a small collection upon my mother’s passing, which occurred, tragically, a week after she dropped me off for my freshman year of college. Her car accident—and subsequent death from the injuries she sustained—still feel like a terrible nightmare some 15 years later.
By the time I began gingerly stacking the broken pieces into a box, my tears had subsided, replaced by the all-too-familiar emptiness of grief. The feelings I had neatly compartmentalized as a means of coping with her death lay bare before me: expectation (that I would have my mom to lean on during college, and even more so now, as a mother myself); guilt (over my impatience in our harried final goodbye, reiterated by my careless mishandling of an item she cherished); despair (from the hollow uncertainty of whether I would ever fully heal from a loss so great).
On the plane to Sedona the next morning, I couldn’t help but feel like my mom had willed this trip into existence. I had heard amazing things about Mii Amo, the Relais & Châteaux destination spa tucked into the towering red rocks of Boynton Canyon. Their wellness “Journeys” (which range from three to 10 nights and include all meals and beverages, fitness and wellbeing classes, plus a generous daily spa credit) have a reputation for helping those at difficult crossroads—death, divorce, health diagnoses. I had booked a three-night Journey with my older sister, Michelle, who was similarly struggling with the demands of motherhood and career, plus the imminent loss of a dear friend’s mother (which naturally resurfaced her own grief over Sheila). It was the first time that we were able to travel alone since having kids. An
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