I moved from New York to Denver 6 months ago and made a ton of new friends. But I still feel lonely.

14.11.2023 - 16:59 / insider.com / Can I (I)

In March, I decided to leave the familiar hustle and bustle of Brooklyn and hit the road in search of my new home. My drive across the country landed me in Denver, where I fell in love with the sun setting over the mountains and the wide-open streets free of mysterious smells and rat corpses.

But the comforts of friends, family, and even my partner were still on the East Coast. I didn't have a single close friend or a support system within a thousand miles.

Having just turned 30, I've found that making friends as an adult can be difficult. Everyone's settled in their circle — usually a smattering of friends from childhood, college, and work. So when I got to Denver, I thought it'd be difficult to find a friend group. It was easier than I expected, but I still feel lonely.

Based on people I've met, the average time someone's been here is about two years. People in the city seem to remember what it's like to be new, to not know anyone, and to wonder where you belong.

As a result, I've never done a social activity in Denver without walking away with about five new friends, several phone numbers, and plans for the next three weeks.

The warmth of the people here exceeded my wildest imagination. When I'd meet someone new back in New York, they'd say, "Hope to see you around," with the mutual understanding that you'd never see each other again. In Denver, when you meet someone, they'll say: "You're so awesome. Can I have your number so we can hang out? I'm actually having my bridal shower next week and I'd love for you to come!" This isn't an exaggeration; this happened to me.

So I moved to a new state, and within two weeks I had a full social calendar. Through the lens of group pics and Instagram stories, I'm living the dream. But so much more is happening beneath the surface.

I've realized that companionship isn't about being in a room full of people or having plans every day. It's about feeling seen and understood. It's about feeling like you have people who truly care, who will prioritize your needs, and who you can be your whole self with.

Denver's friendliness and inclusivity mean that if you invite someone to hang out, they'll also invite someone to join, who will invite someone else to join, and so on. This leads to dinner reservations for tables of eight and house parties where you say hello to 50 people but end up not having a single meaningful conversation. Encounters center on superficial topics, like weekend trips, who's dating whom, and the previous night's debauchery.

While everyone I meet is fun and warm, I'm struggling to find deeper one-on-one connections. I want to hear about how you grew up, about your family dynamics, what you're struggling with, and what lights you up in life. I want to